I have been reading and listening to James Clear‘s book, Atomic Habits. In it he states that it’s better to focus on improving the system rather than reaching for a goal. A goal, while necessary from time to time, shouldn’t be the end-game. It’s just a marker on the road. E.g., if you’re a runner, you run regularly; you don’t just train for a marathon. If you do, once the marathon is over you had better have another marathon in the queue or you’re much more likely to stop running regularly.

This make a lot of sense to me as I’ve seen this exact behavior in my past for many years. I’ve studied for several different IT exams, only to stop my regular studying practice once I passed the exam or simply decided the certification I was going after wasn’t necessary.

By using a system I would be more focused on continued learning instead of focusing on a goal…an exam. “I am a continuous learner,” instead of “I am studying for exam xyz,” makes a lot more sense in the long run.

I’ve been getting up at 5:30am every morning for a while now to read and watch training videos in the IT field. Just in the last few months I feel like my general IT knowledge has skyrocketed because of this practice. It’s my quiet time to decide what I want to look into, and how deeply. If I’m studying for an exam, great! If not, what other information do I need to investigate or refresh?

Now if I could only put this in the context of keeping up with my writing, exercise, finances, and spiritual goals…baby steps.

Ernie Ayres

I know someone that feels so much regret over past mistakes that it has slowed him down, almost to a stop, from time to time. Well, used to anyway. “I really should have called more,” or “I really shouldn’t have been such a jerk.” Does this sound familiar?

Granted, a line does exist between regret and grief. There’s also a line between stupid and illegal. If you’ve ever made a huge mistake though, maybe treated someone very poorly, how do you move on? Can you allow the other person to forgive you? More importantly, can YOU forgive you?

1. Acknowledge the mistake. Yep, it happened. Don’t minimize the effects or the hurt, simply acknowledge that you could have done X but instead you chose Y. And also, don’t beat yourself up about it; just acknowledge.

2. Think about how it happened, why you did it and how you can keep it from happening in the future. This is the time to beat yourself up – just a little. Enforcing “Why I don’t ever want this to happen again” will help you to notice the next time the potential is there to royally screw up again. However, this time you’ll change it. And sometimes you just do not know why you zigged when you should have zagged, even if done intentionally. Don’t get caught up in the why in that case. Sometimes, writing it all out on paper helps to sort through the mess.  Realize your action and move on to number three.

3. Apologize if appropriate. There are times when apologizing just may not be the best thing to do. The offended party may not be ready to hear it. It may stir up too many negative feelings. If it is appropriate, swallow your pride and do it! A simple apology could be the difference between awkward situations in the future and a really good, strong friendship.

4. Promise yourself to continue improving. This could also read, “Notice the small improvements!“. You’re not going to change overnight. Recognize the small victories and build on that. As you focus on improvement, the mistakes and regret will get further away and out of focus.

5. Repeat #4.

6. Move on.

You are the only person that can gauge your progress and know where and how much improvement is necessary. Remember, growth only comes from getting out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to new limits.

Have you been able to overcome regret? Are you still struggling with it? Let us know what you did to feel better by leaving comments below.

Ernie Ayres